Hiya Mud Child

[Author's Note:  This was an email to Grace, but I liked my ASCII art so much I had to bring it to you good folks at home right here.  You can thank Grace for being the inspiration for such a fine piece of prose]

Today was errand day, I got a new book on tape to try and get the bad taste out of my mind from the clive cussler one I had last, I returned my keys to the rental people, I bought new locks for the house, I went to the cable place to complain that we weren't getting our digital channels (this after the guy came out yesterday to look at it)... hmmm. What else? [Editor's note:  Doug also put all sorts of stuff into his filing cabinet and went and found lady when she wandered off [he walked towards the barking] and missed rugby and did laundry and napped on the couch]

So like I said I got new locks, 3 sets of dead bolt/in handle locks and one dead bolt and a doorknob with no lock (for the outside room). I put the outside room's on first, figuring if I screwed that one up
it wasn't that big of a deal, but it went ok. So I did the kitchen's next. Dude. It took forever. The previous locks were the same size but didn't sit in quite the right place, mine needed to be about 1/4
inch farther into the door. So I tried the drill and that sorta worked, then I used a screwdriver as a chisel and that sorta worked, then I gave in and drove to wal mart (the hardware store was closed)
and bought those circular drill bits for, well, drilling circular holes. That worked but made a huge mess because it wouldn't seat itself right (because it was only grabbing on one edge, what with a
huge hole already there on 90% of its target area... make sense? Heh, I think I'll try some ASCII art:

 

    /------------\===\\
   /              \   \\
  /                \   \\
 /                  \   \\
|                    |   ||
|                    |   ||
 \                  /   //
  \                /   //
   \              /   //
    \------------/===//

 

 

See, the single lines are the hole that's already there and the double lines are where my hole needs to be, so the stupid little drill bit kept jumping off to never never land and making marks all over my
door. On top of which I found a huge crack (well, deep, it's only like 3 inches long) near the bottom lock (I didn't make it, in case you're wondering :-)...

But I got it in. Then I went to the front door dreading it, but it only took 5 minutes and everything went perfectly. I'm a hoss.

So I still have to do the one in my room, but now it's late and I don't want to let all the bugs in.

I know this has to qualify as the best email anyone's ever gotten, but there's _more_.

I got my locks at home depot (right after I left lowe's, I might add, where I went to pick up my ice maker for my fridge... and found out I was supposed to get it _free_ but the sales guy didn't mention it. So I got a rebate form for that, then I noticed I was supposed to get a $50 rebate (which the sales dude also didn't mention). I told them I was a bit annoyed. The new sales guy had the decency to look a bit sheepish.

So I'm at home depot, well, not quite yet. I hadn't eaten all day so I went to the chinese place near the Kroger (near the home depot, in case you'd lost track) and order up some beef and broccoli, but have ten minutes to kill so I go over to kroger(s) to get a drink. And notice all the samples. And this guy who's making a lunch out of 'em (for real). He'd go around and take one or two of each and then go sit at the picnic table in the middle and eat, then do it again. And I don't blame him a bit, the samples rocked! There was this awesome grilled chicken and these fish sticks (ok, ok, but they were
substantial food is my point) and brownies and this coffee cake and ham and turkey and I'm sure I forgot something (like the crackers and some sort of spread which I didn't try), but I ended up making
a single trip around (and came back for more brownies) and I have to say, my kroger lunch was at least as good as my Chef Ming lunch.

Doug's thoughts on nothing in particular